Roland Michel Tremblay

I don’t think much of women in this world. This is quite a hard statement to make, it is politically incorrect, I certainly will lose my job for stating it so clearly. However you have not heard the end of my argument yet. I don’t think much of men either. You’re all the same, you just alienate each other as you’re simply incompatible. We’re all tired of this life, we’re all tired of each other. If we could only just shut up once in a while, the battle of the sexes could finally be over.

Tired of your woman? You shouldn’t have let her out of the cupboard then. Tired of your man? Find yourself a high paying job, make sure he loses his (it should not be hard these days), install him on the sofa every morning with a baby in each arm and a remote control in the middle. I believe you will not meet much resistance. After all, it is a myth that men cannot change diapers, once they are obliged to do so by their other half.

The more the war rages at home, the more we witness the impact at work, we’re all ready for the asylum. So can’t you just sort yourself out? Before we have to pass a law that will separate the sexes for life? One way or another, this world requires a well deserved peace.

There is no denying today that men and women are two different entities, they have almost nothing in common. Of course, from the point of view of biology they are virtually identical, it is even said that it takes a while for a baby to have any definite sex, that it is almost randomly decided later on. Babies can be either male or female, and that, weeks after conception.

The brain is the same for both sexes, although it has been identified that some parts will be more active depending on the sex, it is even different for gay people. Ultimately only some physical attributes will be different, depending on which hormone will kick in, and that can also be decided or encouraged medically. So we are all the same, and yet, as we grow older, or even after being born male or female, we may have collectively entirely different interests. This is where all problems start.

It is true that society, education and conditioning have a lot to do with deciding what is proper for women and what is proper for men, and improper for the other sex. And yet I’m not sure women would naturally in big numbers wish to play with toy soldiers, do hard physical work or get passionate about sports. As it would not be a majority of men who would want to become nannies or nurses.

These are the traditional roles identified for each sex, whilst today these roles are being redefined on a massive scale (in the Western world at the very least). I did play with Barbie toys when I was a kid, and plastic soldiers. I have a good excuse, I’m a queer, and then my identified social role is no longer that evident, as I could be or become anything I want in this world, even a surrogate mother. This is what most of you believe anyway.

There is no denying that both sexes could easily be good at anything, and without the stigma society attaches to certain roles, we would witness something quite different. Nevertheless there are some areas that women and men are simply less interested in than the other sex. Sports, car racing, women have a tendency to wonder why men like it so much. Textiles, emotional stuff, shopping, psycho-analysis, men have a tendency to wonder why women are so involved in that sort of thing. Why would we need to shop or feel anything anyway? And what could possibly be so amazing about a bunch of people pushing a ball on a field?

There are many exceptions nowadays, the line is getting blurred as we go along, but it remains that there is a fundamental difference between men and women. To the point where many couples are stranded in some sort of trap, unable to get out of it, wondering why they are together when they have absolutely nothing in common with their other half.

Initially there was only one thing they clearly had in common, this desire to get some comfort by sharing a bed together. And for many this was not even an interest, but was pushed upon them because society makes it an obligation for anyone to marry and have children. I’m not even getting involved in force marriages here. We are all pressured into marrying as soon as possible and popping babies out into this world before we’re 45, the ultimate psychological and biological limit.

I’m gay, and even though I’m a man, I still find it very hard to see any common points between me and the next man I meet. At the same time, still being a man, there is not much I feel I have in common with most women. Even other gay men I meet often have either too much in common with females, or too much in common with males, and so I have nothing in common with any of them. No wonder I feel so rejected and out of everything, everyone to me in this world is an alien from another planet. It explains a lot.

It is strange that this need to have sex and have babies, this biological call to mate and reproduce, for which we humans have absolutely no control over, brings together people who have nothing in common, and yet, will be spending the rest of their life together, or at the very least until it is really no longer bearable and they will eventually have to separate or divorce.

Religions understood that quite early on, and decided unilaterally to declare the man in power, and that the woman needed to obey and shut her mouth. Even without religions, the only way a relationship could really last, would be if one person within the couple was willing to compromise all the time, to basically forgo making any decision or even exist. They then become the slave of the other whole of the couple.

Some are forced into this role, men or women, because the other person within the relationship is so unreasonable, he or she will never back down on anything. The only way such a relationship could continue, would be to accept that the other half will take full control of that relationship. What a life this must be, and yet, many are happy to accept that social role. Others simply suffer in silence, or eventually find a way out of their nightmare.

I am in the middle of such a nightmare myself, even within a gay relationship that has miraculously lasted for over 15 years. And there are children in this relationship: 7 cats, 1 dog, 2 snakes, 1 chameleon, 2 poisonous frogs, 25 assorted marine fish including a few killer shrimps (my favourite), 25 tortoises, and Mr. Barnsworth, our dear blue and gold macaw, a talking parrot. This last one is worse than a kid, believe me. Well if gay couples are not allowed to have kids, they certainly will at least adopt a whole zoo.

I have nothing in common with my mother. I have a lot in common with my sister and my father, in fact most probably because of my father’s influence. All three of us could have a reasonable relationship, even though still, we fight and argue all the time. If we were still all living under the same roof today, that family could go nuclear at any moment. And by nuclear I mean it would explode in a chain reaction that no one at that point could get under control. As this is the definition of not only nuclear families nowadays, but of all families. Better that than having a control freak of a parent, a totalitarian figure controlling the whole family through fears.

Human beings were not meant to be social and share and love each other. They were not meant to help or understand each other. They were meant to fight in the wild for food and kill any other person they met along the way, including their mate, which was not even supposed to be the same for the rest of their life. And yet, because we multiplied so much, and that it takes too long to walk out of the nest, we were forced to compromise and learn to live together. What a misery.

Under those unnatural conditions, some laws had to be established to ensure some sort of order and control, so in the house the man is in charge, and at work, another man is in charge of all the other men. And if somehow you disobey any of the orders of the appointed authority, the consequences are so out of proportions compared with the crime, that you soon learn to regret it deeply, making sure that the next time, you listen and do what you’re told.

It is very rare that someone would actually like a boss, like it is not common to find a woman who passionately loves her man if he is abusing his authority a bit too much. Nowadays women are equally naturally in charge and abusing their own powers, making their subordinates, their husband and children angry.

I’m sorry but I will have to state it now. For most of my life women were my Line Managers and Directors. I don’t think much of their management style, it is as bad as any man’s management style. Let’s consider our most prominent woman in the Western world, without contest Hillary Clinton. Do you really believe her presidency would have been significantly different from the one of her husband? Or is it more likely that it would have been very similar? Women are not more compassionate or understanding, they are as merciless as the next man. In a way this is reassuring. Women are no better than men in any social hierarchy, we’re all the same as soon as we lay our hand on any kind of authority or power.

Humans are simply not capable to live together in harmony, despite any philosophy and radical change that came upon us in history. We all hate each other, and trying to love the next stranger proves more difficult than Jesus Christ may have led a few disciples to believe. It begins to explain why the word team work is so offensive to any of us, because none of us ultimately wishes to work within a team, we know it is always plagued with problems and insurmountable obstacles which in the end bring us all to the brink of war. Just like any normal hierarchy within any family.

This is at the microscopic level. If you want to verify that it is also true at the macroscopic level, what are governments most famous for? Waging wars, hating the next nation, stealing from them as much as they can. This is all any government in this world was ever able to achieve. In the last 100 years alone we had two world wars, and from what we can observe right now, at the turn of the new millennium, the third one and perhaps the final one, is just around the corner.

And yet, some optimistic people thought we were evolving, that events and mentalities were changing, that a true era of peace and love was upon us. There will never be such an era for humankind, we were not meant to develop any sort of relationship at all. Neither between nations, neither in schools, neither at work, neither within our own personal relationships or families.

Somehow some biological laws of nature force us to have sex, to become completely neurotic if we don’t have any sex for a long period, or even get us to feel completely bunker if we don’t find a mate for one sex session for too long a time. And if we have to marry for this to be, we’ll marry any day of the week, any hour of the day.

You will not convince me that only men think of sex, or else women would not go berserk at the idea of not being married or at least being within a stable relationship. Or is it just security women are desperate for? And men, as primitive as they are, sex would be their only concern?

It is well known that all women would die happy virgins if they could, whilst men would have to go to war and kill to satisfy their most primal urge, if prevented from spreading spermatozoids all over the place. It is a wonder anyone should marry in this world, having such opposite motivations to couple in the first place.

Some other parental instincts, still obeying laws of nature, push us to take care of our progenies until they can finally walk out the door and reproduce themselves. These illogical, basic and low animal instincts are what finding a mate and reproducing are all about, and most often never mind about any kind of convention. We’re desperate in front of any call of nature. When you’ve got to pee you’ve got to pee, otherwise you go mental.

Most relationships, if they are not based solely on either sex, security, traditions or some other biological animal instinct, or perhaps even other sins like greed, power, or a desire to succeed or fulfil one’s ambitions, are painful, extremely painful. Some frail people are simply afraid of being alone. I don’t suffer from that, I could very well exist on my own.

Ultimately not many relationships will succeed, human beings were not meant to exist in groups, it doesn’t take long for everyone to be at each other’s throat, unless of course one if not most accept to compromise and relinquish all authority and freedom to another. I’m not willing to do that, I value my freedom way too much.

People like me in society, in any relationship whatsoever, simply cannot function unless they are in authority. As I have never been in authority over anyone else in my lifetime, my whole existence has been a nightmare. It is a miracle that I am not in prison yet, that I had so far enough self control to prevent myself from acting out what I truly wanted to do or say.

And the worst thing is, everywhere there are authorities descending upon us, ordering us to do this and that, to think this way and not the other way. And if we ever talk back or refuse to obey, an army descends upon us and our career or our life as we knew it can quickly come to an end or suffer dire consequences.

Relationships are difficult, sometimes impossible. Wars are declared everyday everywhere in this world, even more wars are declared every second on a more personal level, and it can also become very bloody. Humanity was never meant to live in peace, to develop relationships, to love and live in harmony. We all want our own freedom, have enough for our own survival, with as little obligations or responsibilities or any form of authority over our head as possible. This is the only way humanity might find happiness, so we will have to learn to back off.

Very simple. We can solve the battle of the sexes right now, by shutting up and backing off, all of us. I wonder if I should have stated it more plainly than that, I wouldn’t want to appear like I am at the end of my tether, even though I am.

But don’t you suddenly feel a breath of fresh air around here? Man or woman or gay or lesbian or transgender, who cares? We’re all the same, we should all be treated the same, just learn to accept it, to live with it. Just learn to be more compassionate and understanding, to treat everyone with respect and dignity. And peace might finally come upon Earth, the battle of the sexes might finally end.

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“Without irony, this life would hardly be worth living.”

Roland Michel Tremblay

http://www.themarginal.com/destructivism.pdf