Steven G. Erickson

Either, or both, parents can pick one or more of their children that they'll spurn for a variety of reasons, or excuses.

A parent that resents a child for not having it as difficult, stressful, and for not having to do without enough food, parent attention, clothing, etc. will want to make their chosen child similarly suffer. A younger, or middle child, might resent their oldest sibling, and take it out on their oldest child. Many times the spurned child is of the same sex as the parent spurning them.

A child showing signs of joy, being relaxed, and content might be met with a parent ready to punish, and to cause as much stress and disruption in a child's sense of security, and even an adult child's life. This parental behavior can go from crib to grave, if the spurned child dies first.

No friend, spouse, significant other, job, school is good enough, or is too good. There will be constant comparisons, unsolicited advice, and the parent of their spurned children will do all they can unconsciously, or even overtly, to cause problems in relationships their spurned child has with others. They'll often automatically take the other side in any dispute. If there is divorce, the spouse that had everything wrong with him, or her, will suddenly become the most perfect, and worst loss. "You'll never get another one like that again".

In order for a spurned child to have any success in relationships, in jobs, in education, and in life, they must refuse to take any advice, and keep most information, significant others, friends, and any career interaction separate from a parent that underlying wants the worst for their spurned child.

A spurned child who doesn't self-heal, or seek professional help, might be more prone to suicide, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual abuse, seeking another abuser, temper problems, a higher likelihood to end up in legal trouble, in prison, and/or may suffer other health, emotional, and physical problems.

Children of spurned children might be the ignored grandchildren, and the parents of the spurned child may similarly consider and treat their own grand kids as they did their own spurned child, or children.

Holidays, weddings, birthdays, special family gatherings, and formal events are the easiest venues to see this phenomenon for yourself. A parent will compliment and show positive attention to others, their other children, and the general public. The spurned child will get negative attention, be insulted, and every action they take, or word they utter, is under the abuser's microscope. The spurned child may choose to elope to avoid having the abusing parent part of any ceremony.

Having no desire to seek the parent's approval, goes the longest way to healing. Tune out, the endless tape of abuse of parent statements, remembering physical and emotional trauma, and do what you can not to suffer PTSD symptoms. Figure it is the parent's mental health problem, and condition, not yours.

Spurning a child is emotional abuse. Consider the child, try to educate the abusive parent if you think it safe to do so. If not, consider reporting the abuse to authorities, as with spurning a child, often other types of abuse are taking place.

Comparing health, dental, and other records of other children in the family can identify the spurned child. Does the child get less clothing, birthday and holiday presents than other siblings? Is there sympathy for other children when they suffer, are injured, or are rushed to the hospital, and the spurned child is accused of just "Trying to get attention"?

Parents should exorcise their own demons before even considering having children. We have had enough serial killers, suicides, and those that become common criminal parasites, and/or perpetual prison inmates.

Follow your own dreams, march to the tune of your own drummer, and consult the person most in your corner first, yourself.

¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

Source: http://starkravingviking.blogspot.com/2008/12/spurned-child-syndrome.html

Photo: http://www.dalhartpolice.com/ChildAbuse.html