Najwa Sheikh Ahmed

Humans have certain capacities to perceive any kind of feelings and reactions, and thus specific strategies to cope with each feeling perceived either form environment or from the experiences they pass through. However, when these feelings are more extensive than other types of feeling, it will conquer the mind and the soul of its host, and will squirt out slowly to affect all the behaviors and reactions of this person. The balance kept between both the negative and positive feelings is the key to a normal and healthy life.

Anger is one of the negative feelings that can be perceived as a result of a bad experience. Anger can kill you, it can destroy your life, and surly can feed other negative feelings accumulated inside ones mind and heart, to turn it to a total different person that is full of negative waves, it can turn you to a monster in a shape of a Man, or a defeated soul that no more willing to struggle.

In Gaza where the blockade affected every aspect of the people lives, and where the frequent Israeli operations leave no chance for a peaceful life, people found themselves with a direct confrontation with all types of negative feelings that can be acquired no matter how hard they tried not to be affected. Being put under pressure all the time, and forced to deal with a mixture of traumatic, unexpected experiences, or even to deal with the daily life issues that a normal person have to deal with, only a small difference that in Gaza the normality is no longer defined. All of these situations are the source of pressure, anger, depression, and frustration.

Lately, as a woman living in Gaza, as a wife and more importantly as a mother, I faced many critical situations where I can no longer have the space, or the willingness, and the capacity to deal with it in a normal and calm way, especially when these situations are happened to be with my children, which make it even worse. Angriness occurred too quickly, patience is no longer available, and tolerance is a far beyond dream.

Of course all of these symptoms appeared after the cast lead operation, and after the continued blockade on Gaza. A state of loss, emptiness and anger overwhelmed not only me but for sure other mothers and wives but also the rest of the Palestinian people living under such in human circumstances in Gaza. A common complaints can show how both mothers and wives in particular are dealing with sever states of continues worry ness, anger, frustration and despair. The effect of such an endless struggle affects not only our relations with our children but also with our husbands and more importantly with our acceptance of what and how we became.

We are no longer the loving mothers, no longer the source of love, and security to our children, and no longer the source of support to our husbands, which widen the gab of emptiness and helplessness inside each one of us.

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From Najwa Sheikh Ahmed, Nusierat Camp, Gaza Strip. Najwa Sheikh's blog: http://www.najwa.tk/